Expat Life Is Full Of Goodbyes

The city that we are lucky enough to temporarily call home is a bountiful one that is full of momentum and change. And as expats, we must learn to manage and adapt to the changes that happen around us. One of the hardest changes that impact’s our lives is the feeling that we are perpetually saying goodbye.

Leaving our friends and family back home is tough but it doesn’t end there. The average stay for an expat family in the UAE is 8 years. (www.dec.org.ae). So, once you have said farewell to the family and made the move, you will still have to experience the difficulties that come with the seemingly frequent departure of friends and loved ones from Dubai.

Saying goodbye is hard enough as an adult and for children it can be a confusing and lonely time. So what can we do to help our little ones understand and cope with their feelings when they need to say goodbye to their family or when their friends move on?

According to Dr Susan Linn, the founding director of ‘Campaign for a Commercial free Childhood, helping our children to cope with change is all about laying a solid foundation in which they can confidently express their feelings. Being listened to and empathised with is key.

“Helping children successfully manage the separations that inevitably occur is a good way to help them develop lifelong strategies for managing loss. Let your child know that you hear what she/he is saying. Feeling unheard compounds a child’s sense of isolation.” (Dr Susan Linn).

Read More: Helping Your Kids Transition Through Summer 

Bright Horizons is an international provider of early education that focuses on nurturing each child’s unique potential. They believe that saying goodbye is a lifelong process that does not necessary have to be negative.

“Children may react to change with excitement and enthusiasm, or crying, sulking and even using aggression. Talk to your child about the positive things. Too much talk about how hard it is to say goodbye can sometimes make our children more upset. While we should never ignore our children’s feelings, it’s also important to be encouraging.” (Bright Horizons)

According to Bright Horizons there are activities that you could do with your child that will help them to compartmentalise and process their emotions in a positive way.

Such as, creating a classroom scrapbook, writing a friendship note to departing friends and using art as therapy by painting, storytelling and drawing.

Frequently having to say goodbye is one of the more difficult ramifications of being an expat. But a few simple techniques can help you and your child develop coping strategies that will have lifelong benefits.

The post Helping Kids Cope with Goodbyes appeared first on Sassy Mama.

It is nearly the end of the year and for most of us it means a long summer ahead with (lots of) traveling and staying in various places with different family or/and friends with the kids. This is a fun, relaxing and lovely period of the year but there are also some difficulties you will be facing when being away from your family home and put out of your daily routine and structure for weeks. It demands a lot of flexibility and adaptation from you and your kids. Do you feel you are well enough equipped?! Here are some tips:

1. How to cope when the kids are away from their dad (and mamas) for weeks

In many cases, dads are only able to join for a shorter period so the kids will have to miss their father for some time. Some working mums are letting their children stay with family as they cannot get time off that long either. In both ways the kids are not with one/ two parents for a while. It’s normal this creates some worries for parents. Please make a routine in staying in contact/ touch with each other. Send a message, spoken or written, add a picture when sending it. You can do this at the end of the day or at the start of the day- even twice a week works well. Children cope better if they feel they can share their experiences with the person(s) they are missing

2. How to make sure that children don’t feel unsettled when staying with family /friends

Children need familiar belongings, a stuffed animal, their favourite book or favourite toy, when being away from home. With little ones, we decide what that is for them and older children can choose a few things themselves.

Make sure that children have toys and can do different activities where ever they are as they feel better and behave better when their environment is interesting for them and they can play and explore. Bring some of their favourite items, introduce a special holiday toy/game and make sure that they feel free and it’s safe for them to entertain themselves.

3. How to make sure that grandparents/friends etc follow your rules

If you are staying with friends and family or both, make sure that when you make plans or talk about all the fun things you are looking forward to do together, you also let them know in advance what you think is needed to make it a successful time as well. Which ingredients are important for you/ your kids to have a great stay somewhere?

4. Have a think before hand

What you need or what you think your children need to be able to have a good time and make the most of it. What is important for you regarding rules and agreements in your parenting when being with others. Nothing is more frustrating than feeling like you have no control over your children’s behaviour when you/ they are staying somewhere. Who is it that should correct them, decides the bedtimes, chooses how much chocolate cookies they eat, how long they watch tv etc. Make a top three list and have a conversation about it with your friends or family. This can safe irritations. People have more understanding and are more willing to try when you let them know what is it that you expect or hope for. You can also ask about theirs!

5. Lastly…

To give your children a better overview, you can make a simple calendar of the summer activities, for example per week, before you leave. Make it together with your kids and explain/ talk about what you will be doing, where it will be and with whom. Make sure that it is easily accessible for all of you. For small kids, starting around the age of three, you can use small drawings/ pictures and colours for he weeks and for older children you can use writing and numbers for the weeks. It helps to visualize things for children, they see when things start and end, rather than only talking about them as it gives some kind of support/ grip for them and you.

In general it is highly positive to build relationships with others – family and friends-  and this period is also an opportunity for your children to develop resilience!

If you would like to have a more personalized plan for this period or have more questions, please get in touch with me, you can send an email to info@pure-parenting.com.

The post Transition Into Summer: Tips For Staying With Family, Being Away From Daddy & More appeared first on Sassy Mama.

Singaporean mama Jamie Lee talks in great detail about her experience with Postpartum Anxiety, including the warnings signs and treatment options, and her ongoing struggle to shake any perceived stigma of mental illness. And she is a stronger mama to her son because of it! If you have any worries or concerns about maternal wellbeing and mental health, contact Out Of The Blues here in Dubai. 

I’ve lived with anxious thoughts all my life. But not quite the kind I experienced after the birth of my son, Noah, in April 2017. I had a smooth and enjoyable pregnancy. At 38 weeks, I delivered a healthy baby boy within 7 hours of admission. Everything was going as planned and I couldn’t wait to finally embark on my journey as a mother. It was perhaps because things had gone so well that I was unprepared for what was to come.

During confinement, I had the usual worries about Noah’s milk intake, diaper output, and overall health. While these recurred throughout my day, these worries were manageable. It was not until I found myself bawling in my office toilet when I returned to work that I realized these thoughts were morphing into something more insidious.

During this episode, I saw a video of a child drowning in a baby spa because he was left unsupervised and I had thought it was Noah. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing, my chest tightened, and I was gasping for air. It took me a good few minutes to realize that it wasn’t Noah.

I knew something wasn’t quite right and became more aware of my thoughts and actions. I realized I was afraid to stand near windows while carrying Noah, regardless of whether they were opened or closed. I refused to step foot in my service yard because I had very vivid thoughts of him falling fifteen storeys. I would read horrifying news about how someone had bludgeoned a cat to death and worried this person would find my son. I would stay awake at night to ensure Noah was breathing as he slept. And when I did sleep, I had nightmares of him drowning in a bathtub because I left the water running.

I was afraid to talk about this because these thoughts seemed too gruesome for someone who had just welcomed her bundle of joy. But when a friend reached out, I plucked up the courage and confided in her. She encouraged me to see a psychiatrist and even accompanied me to the hospital. It was then that I was told my symptoms sounded like I had postpartum anxiety.

While I was familiar with postpartum depression, I was not at all aware of postpartum anxiety. Since then, I did some research and have four reasons why it is important we talk about this.

1. It’s a Hidden Disorder

In this article, postpartum anxiety is defined as when women have “a lot of fear, tension, poor concentration…and they’ll have a lot of intrusive, unwanted persistent thoughts, images, fears of the baby being harmed.”

Unlike symptoms of postpartum depression such as persistent sadness, worrying about your baby may seem normal to many, if not all, mothers. It is because of this perceived normalcy that postpartum anxiety is harder to recognize and often goes unnoticed by both mothers and the people around her. And while hospitals are equipped with the necessary screening tools to identify mothers with postpartum depression, that’s not the case for postpartum anxiety.

2. The Goddess Myth

According to TIME Magazine, the Goddess Myth is a rampant ideal that impacts mothers worldwide. It tells mothers, and everyone else, that we are expected to flawlessly journey through motherhood and feel fantastic while doing it. This ideal makes it difficult for mothers to speak freely about their struggles, for fear that they would be seen as an incapable mother unable to handle “normal worrying”.

So on top of poor public awareness, how do we prevent mothers with postpartum anxiety from falling through the cracks when the very source of this anxiety – the mother herself – thinks it’s unsafe to talk about?

3. A Higher Prevalence

While most research focuses on postpartum depression, not much focuses solely on postpartum anxiety. Results from the few studies done have shown that this disorder occurs more often in mothers than postpartum depression. For example, in a follow-up study of 310 Canadian pregnant women, postpartum anxiety was three times more common than postpartum depression. In another study done on 1,024 postpartum women, the percentage of women diagnosed with postpartum anxiety was twice as high.

4. Equally Debilitating

Just as with postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety comes with debilitating symptoms. Mothers can have poor eating and sleeping habits and find it difficult to concentrate on the most menial of tasks. It may also manifest in physical symptoms like nausea, breathing difficulties, and panic attacks. In severe cases, medication is needed to cope with daily functioning.

I was offered a prescription of antidepressants and sessions once every two weeks with my psychiatrist, who was not able to give me a definitive answer on whether traces of the drug would be transferred to Noah via breastmilk. The thought of even a small trace worried me enough to reject the idea of medication altogether.

I agreed to therapy but later found it difficult to continually take time off work without anyone finding out I was seeing a psychiatrist. However, within those few sessions, I felt a sense of relief that fears I had initially deemed too gruesome to talk about, were spoken out loud, acknowledged, and understood. I was reminded of my strengths and taught how to steer my thoughts in a healthier direction.

I am still a work in progress. Looking back, I wish I knew it wasn’t “just a new mom thing,” or that I had to pull myself together on my own to be seen as a good mother. My only regret was not seeking treatment earlier because seeing a Psychiatrist meant I had a clearer understanding of what I had and how I was going to recover.

On top of medication and therapy, there are other resources that help support women who struggle with mental health issues. Mothers, if you have the slightest inkling that you may be suffering from postpartum anxiety, reach out. Nobody needs to do this alone and mama, you are no exception.

The post My Journey with Postpartum Anxiety and 4 Reasons We Need to Talk About It appeared first on Sassy Mama.

CONFESSION: I hated going home for the summer last year. Don’t get me wrong – I love my friends, I love my family (some days I can even bear my in-laws!) and I love my hometown. Last year, I was so excited to get back I was on countdown for the whole of May and June. But when I got there, I spent so much time travelling the length and breadth of the country and feeling obliged to say yes to every invitation that by the time I got back to Dubai I was overtired, overweight and hungover. This year, a little braver, a little wiser – I’m ready to go again – but there are three things I’m going to do differently:

1. If you build it, they will come – last year my brother refused to come and see me because it was a two hour drive from his house to London and he thought his kids would be tired. Instead, despite having travelled 7,000 kilometres from Dubai, I rolled my eyes and we drove to them instead. This year, if people want to see me, they can come to me. Or not.
2. The great outdoors – come hell or high water, I’m throwing the little one (and the big ones) outside. Last year, there were a lot of complaints about it being too cold or too wet and there was the distraction of shopping at a discount instead. But face it, wherever you are in the world is likely to be colder than it is in Dubai right now so why not make the most of it? Get the kids into rambling, plan an early morning park trip or just walk down to the shops. And revel in the fact you can do it without burning to a crisp.
3. Two to tango – when you’re at home there can be a tendency to totally ignore your other half in favour of seeing family and friends – last year I hardly saw mine in the three weeks he visited because we were so booked up. This year, I’m bribing a helpful grandparent/friend/neighbour/complete random to babysit the kiddos for one night so that we can go out on our own. Because one of the things I miss most about my own country is being in it with him. Safe travels, mamas…

The post Home Is Where The Heart Is…So Why Is Going ‘Back’ For The Holidays So Hard?   appeared first on Sassy Mama.

We live in a world dominated by tech – and when everything from your phone to your fridge (and don’t even get me started on the TV!) is smarter than you, it’s time to jump on (key)board. Because while us mamas can probably just about get away with not knowing how to do much more than internet shopping*, it’s not the same for our kiddos. Coding and computers are going to be a part of their daily life in ways we can’t even imagine (driverless cars and computer co-workers anyone?) So how can a parent who can barely turn on a computer without hollering for her husband (cringe) help make sure her little ones are speaking the language of the future? I asked the expert (yes mamas, that would be my daughter’s IT teacher!) and this is what he said…

Read More: How to Teach Your Kids to Cut Back on Plastic

• Kodable – is a FREE downloadable app that you can download on any iPad or tablet. Set in outer space, kodable helps kids as young as three or four learn to think in sequencing, which my IT insider informs me is the best way to get little ones engaged. I tried it on my four yo and she loved the games, characters – and the iPad access. On a personal level, the sounds of the game made a nice break from the dulcet tones of Peppa Pig.
• Apple – another cost-effective way to crack coding, the Apple store offers free coding for kids at the Mall of the Emirates. Probably better for older kids – a friend of mine’s seven yo was all over this! the hour long sessions are designed to inspire kids to explore the basics of coding and robotics. For mamas in the know, they’re also offering 3-day summer camps for 8-12 year olds.
• Bee-bot – Mr IT’s final tip was to invest in a ‘Bee-bot’ – a cute robotic bumblebee that kids can programme to make basic forward, backwards, left or right movements. Since we got our Bee-bot, it’s kept both my Mr Me and my mini-me busy for hours. They’ve drawn maps and designed entire obstacle courses for the bee-bot to whizz around, leaving me time to get back to the important things in life. Like internet shopping. It’s technology, right?

Read more: Star Wars Paper Plate Mask Activity + FREE Star Wars Arts & Crafts Printable

* if you’re a computer whizzkid, I applaud you – also please can you come over and teach me the basics so my fridge doesn’t have to do my thinking for me anymore…

The post Coding For Kids: Free Apps & More appeared first on Sassy Mama.

Establishing an effective sleep routine for both mama and baby is the first step to sleep success and the sooner you develop this the better. From as young as 6-8 weeks, following a set routine every night will pay dividends and ensure no more nightly sleep sagas!
Babies love routine and consistency and will feel relaxed knowing what is coming next. An efficient bedtime routine is also an incredibly special time to bond with your baby and set aside this time for just you and your little one with no interruptions.
Here we bring you some tried and tested techniques to help you enjoy a restful nights sleep feeling fresh and ready for the day, and not at all tired-and-tested!

The post A Bedtime Routine For You & Baby To Enjoy a Good Night’s Sleep appeared first on Sassy Mama.